DVDs From the Library-The Van

In the library there is a bin full of DVDs. One may take up to five and keep them for a week. Don’t forget to return them on time or you will pay a hefty over-due penalty, or worse, they will develop a terminal mold and eat your furniture, flooring and, eventually, your brain. Join me now as I take a look at one…

I like the librarians at the local public library (The Field Library-Peekskill, NY).  Sometimes we talk about books and the weather and, well, that's pretty much it!  Fact is there is not a whole lot to talk about in Peekskill.  It's a funky little city that doesn't have too much going on and if it wasn't for the library, the coffee shop and the Social Security office I don't suppose anyone would ever need to go there.

I was reading a series of books by Roddy Doyle and the librarian mentioned another book that I might like by Mr. Doyle.  Not that I liked the other two all that much.  Both had been made into movies. "The Commitments", was a really good movie, about a Dublin soul band.  The second, "The Snapper"-about an expectant, unwed mother and her Irish family- was not much to my liking, either the book or the novel.  She put her recommendation on reserve for me.  When I went to pick it up I found instead the DVD pictured above.  What this DVD has to do with the works of Mr. Doyle is beyond me.  I checked it out anyway.  Oh well!  I got it, so I will review it.

In a sentence: an early 1970's porn film with no real good stuff (meaning sex) to speak of.  There are a few quick shots of natural bosoms (no implants at the time even in So. California!) but it has all the other fine qualities one would expect of a period correct porn piece from ca. 1977.  The hairstyles are perfect.  Forgetabout the clothes!  Short short cut-offs and tee shirts, etc.  And who doesn't love a Dodge B-100 "Tradesman" van with a waterbed, an 8track and furry stuff all over every interior surface except the roof (which is mirrored for optimal sexual enjoyment!).  The exterior paint job is bright yellow with a blazingly phallic arrow motif going on all over it.

It would be impossible to describe the plot besides to say it is boy-meets-girl, girl-hates-boy, girl-learns-to-love-boy, happily ever after.  Okay, now you know all you have to know about the movie except for some comments about the cast.  The DVD package notes that Danny Devito appears in the movie.  In fact his is the only name on the cover of the package but the truth is he plays a crappy little part of little consequence (that is, of even less consequence than all the other parts in the movie which have no consequence at all!)  I postulate that Mr. Divito was the only one on the crew who ever made another film so they used his name as a "grabber" to suck you into watching this movie.  The only thing worse than watching this movie might be paying to watch this movie.  God bless Andrew Carnegie and the free library system.

 I sadly have no more odoriferous award in my arsenal than "six smelly socks" but if I did I would gladly bestow it upon "The Van".  Instead I award "The Van"  "six smelly socks twice"!

 

DVDs From the Library-Whatever Works

There it was in the bin-the perfect evenings entertainment. A film written and directed by Woody Allen. Some great performers including Larry David. It touted itself on the DVD case "No Kidding: this is the feel-good movie of the year and a cinematic soul message."

I am an Annie Hall fan. I have watched it (and some of WA's earlier movies) many times and still enjoy it now. I think WA is an intelligent writer and film maker. But! Whatever Works only works 'part time'. It makes me squeamish to criticize Woody Allen but somebodies gotta do it.

It is so obvious that this play is WA's character from Annie Hall all grown up...From the opening scene it is also clear that Larry David is a stand-in for WA and the problem is he is incapable of delivering the lines with the same nebbishy, staccato style that WA used in Annie Hall. I am sure Mr. Allen couldn't deliver these lines like he used to either but that is why he is behind the camera now and he had the chance to pick someone who could! Or maybe he did and he didn't give Larry David the chance to do it, right? Nah! LD just couldn't and WA accepted the mediocrity. I can see it now. The whole cast and the lighting guys and the sound guys with their eyes rolling back in their heads and sick to their stomachs at the sixth grade quality of the acting. And WA (eyes firmly on the budget and the shooting schedule)saying "Cut! Print! that's a wrap!" or "Get me one of those tuna wraps off the catering table!"

There is entertainment value to this movie. It has a great cast and characters (I really liked Evan Rachel Wood as his nearly underage girlfriend. Woody still likes to think young girls are attracted to him!) and the (sometimes implausible) twists of plot are funny and compelling. There is a symmetry and logic to the story that is appealing. I want to like this movie. It just doesn't ever quite jell. Mostly I blame Mr. Allen. He was willing to accept dreck. I sense dollar $igns are the reason. If he had just kept his mind on the title of the story -Whatever Works- it could have...but it doesn't. If Mr. Allen had done his job and pushed this great cast to have done theirs this would have been a very good flick!

I give this film one cheap beer and I am going to watch Annie Hall as soon as possible to get the taste of tuna out of my mouth.