Titanium "Spork"

It is a good thing that we turn a “blind eye” to some of our friend’s behavior.  If we held everyone to the strictest of standards we would have no friends.  Everyone has weaknesses and everyone has faults.  Ideally we should hold ourselves up to a high standard and choose our friends according to those same criteria.  If I shall not kill then Thou shall not kill…(Is this what is called a “match made in heaven”?)

Titanium Spork

I had a dream last night that I was living in Hollywood.  I was writing for the movies.  I don’t know if I was any good but I appear, in the dream, to be prospering.  I had a nice car.  I dream that I am having lunch with a producer and I am pitching a plot to him.  Of course I suggest that the actors be very famous, in this case they are Bert and Ernie of the Muppets. 

In the story Bert lives next door to Ernie in a suburb that looks very much like the neighborhood where my house used to be in South Miami.  In the back yard there are lime trees and avocado trees and a lot of mango trees…The porches are open air and the sun filters through the leaves and warms two old men-Bert and Ernie-in their lawn chairs, near the fence, in adjacent yards.  Inside Ernie’s house his two sons (neat middle aged Muppets with ties and combed down hair) are packing up Ernie’s belongings and getting the house ready to sell.  Ernie is going to live in Fort Lauderdale with one of his “boy’s” families.  The “Golden Years”. 

Out in the yard Bert and Ernie are ‘talking’ and Ernie is suggesting that it would be much better if they both went to live in Ernie’s son’s house.  Ernie knows this is impossible.  Bert is just listening.  He is not all there anymore.  Ernie hatches an idea during a curious and amusing one-sided conversation punctuated by grunts and an occasional smile or frown from Bert.  He decides it would be a wonderful thing if both he and Bert moved in together and he could help take care of Bert.  Ernie knows that Bert’s children (little monster Muppets) are planning to put him in an old age home.  There is a call from inside Ernie’s house that lunch is ready and Ernie leaves Bert in the yard and goes in to eat.  Inside the ‘boys’ have set out a meal from Burger King and Ernie cuts his sandwich neatly in half and calls out the door to invite Bert over to share.  Bert comes in the jalousie door and sits-same blank look and quiet demeanor-and begins eating French fries. 

Ernie picks up a book of photos off the top of a cardboard box and as he thumbs through the pages he casually suggests that he doesn’t want to move into his son’s place but would like to move in with Bert.  They argue.  The conversation travels.  They reminisce about old times when Ernie’s boys would play with Bert’s kids and about the two families living side by side, going to the beach, to school, how the old Muppets played golf together and bet on the Sunday football games…At some point they come across a picture of a toilet seat Bert used as a picture frame which he hung proudly in his “Florida Room”  Inside the toilet seat he had an eight by ten glossy of Ernie glued to the lid.  Everyone laughs including Bert!  For a moment he is back in real time.  Smiling.  All of a sudden he jumps up and runs out of the door and across the yard back to his own house. 

At first the “boys were alarmed but Ernie says “It’s ok.  He’s alright.  He’ll be back.”  Ernie and the “boys” continue to reminisce and look through the old photos.  In a few minutes Bert comes back in clutching a “spork” in his fist.  He sits back down and begins spearing French fries with the fork end of the tool.  The boys remember the story of the “spork”.  Bert used to be the Boy Scout leader in the local troop.  On a camping trip he sat down to dinner and proudly announced that he had bought a new tool, a $19.95 titanium “spork”!  A dozen times during that meal he was heard extolling the virtues of that “spork”.  “Lighter than aluminum!  Stronger than steel!” Soon all the boys were calling Bert “Spork-Man… Lighter than aluminum!  Stronger than steel!”  and the name stuck.  It was an affectionate name for a man who gave them leadership and love. 

Bert was sick now.  After looking through those old photos and talking with their dad and considering how long and deep the relationship was between the two old Muppets they hatch a plan to get them together in one house, with an aid.  They decide to call Bert’s “kids”.  They all pull the plan together and with the money from the sale of Ernie’s house and their combined savings they make it happen.  “Spork-Man” and Ernie…coming to a theater near you!

Mr. K.W. Stanberry's titanium "spork"

(I hope I have not broken too many laws "borrowing" the pic of B&E...thou shalt not steal!)