A Miracle Happened at Home Depot

A Miracle Happened Here (at the Home Depot)

I decided to give Lizzy a little surprise for Hanukkah. She has been asking me for a new faucet for the sink in the powder room next to the kitchen. I had the day off and, after running a few errands, I stopped at H Depot and bought a new faucet for the mind numbing price of $140. Much more than I expected but, What the Hell! (as my uncle Sid used to say!)

At home I took the pedestal sink off the wall after disconnecting the water and waste and proceeded to take the old hardware off the sink. This sink is one I had rescued from a demolition at the Doral Hotel on 39^th street about 25 years ago. It was 20 or 30 years old when I got it but it is solid and quite a classic. Waste not-want not!

I am sure the new hardware is worth four times what the sink is worth but I like the sink-it has history. The old faucet was welded on with age and corrosion. It took a very long time and much energy to get it disassembled. I was tired before I got the sink cleaned and the new hardware started.

Two and a half hours after I’d started, I was putting the finishing touches on. I’d reconnected the water and waste and was installing the handles. I’d had a great deal of trouble re-attaching the body of the sink to the wall and I was really tired. I opened the valve on the cold water and BINGO, no leaks. Worked good. I then turned on the hot water valve and tried the faucet but, to my chagrin, the faucet did not work! It would not shut down the flow of steamy water. I looked through the instructions but there were no adjustments indicated. In frustration I called the 800 number to the manufacturer for help (No real optimism behind the call, I can tell you that! The call was recorded for security and training purposes, though!) Sure enough, they said “take the ‘unit’ back! I stared at my days work in disbelief and rage started to build. I began the disassembling process.

Before I got too far I said to myself “Self! Why not just take the one offending portion of the faucet (it was a three piece, non-unit construction product-if that means anything to you…) knowing full well that American Business (capital ‘A’ capital ‘B’) will most likely require a full return of the product, in its entirety in the original packaging.... But replacing only the one piece would mean I could avoid 2 hours of disassembly and re-assembly and maybe even get the job done before Lizzy got home. I girded myself up for battle and took off for the H Depot with the offending Hot Water Faucet section only.

I got into the “return merchandise” line with less than no hope of resolution, and this is what happened.

Liz-the cashier at the return desk-called the manager. He told her to get in touch with ‘Joe’ (not real name, sorry, I didn’t catch the real name) and have him help out. Actually what he said was ‘call him with some bass in your voice so you’ll get his attention. Not some wimpy, girly request, but a really pushy announcement.” So Liz announced “Joe in plumbing. Please come to the return desk for customer help! (with Gusto!)” She did it three times in the next five minutes and eventually ‘Joe’ came up and met me. He took me to the plumbing department and gave me a new faucet. I told him I only needed the one piece, but he said to bring the whole shebang up to returns and take the piece out myself. I did. Home Depot Liz sent me on my way and I went home.

My Liz was not home yet! For Joy! I bent to the labor of completing the job. I polished off the install and tested the new part. Perfect. I cleaned the sink, the powder room and the kitchen (where I’d done the bulk of the work) and managed to look relaxed and un-harried when Lizzy walked in the door. I didn’t mention anything to her. I let her discover the newly changed faucet for herself as she washed up just after nightfall. She was overjoyed.

The first night of Hanukkah and “a miracle happened here”. Oh, yeah! The last thing I did, just before Lizzy got home, was call the H Depot and thank the manager for the help of Liz-the cashier-and ‘Joe’- the plumbing guy. They are my Macabee heros for 2009.