Corkbob

To see ones self too clearly

is a curse.

to see one self unclearly

is worse.

to see oneself not at all

now there's the trick.

Cats without balls

wind around my legs

and require love.

Disturbing moments

of loneliness

continue to demand attention.

I thought those days were done.

I thought I had found good places to hide-

a skill which I had perfected-

the good places,

as I go back to them,

in hours of need,

have been taken

by younger men

like seals in the sun

on high lonely rocks

above the ocean.

A night ride

to remember

the lonely

drug filled

twisted grins

when the streets were dark

when there was

nothing open

and the morning papers

wrapped tight with wire

waited to be folded

and packed and

chucked up on porches.

A night ride

to remember

warm hibiscus

wet lawns and other monster moons.

A night ride

to remember

icey arctic blasts

when I peed with the dogs

into snow banks

and stood butt-cakes to the wind

and I showed my bare ass

to the moon

and all the stars

and stomped around

a cherry red stove

full of live coals and dead maple.

Neither soldier, sailer, Indian chief

baker, butcher or successful thief.

Neither coin collector

carver, worker of wood.

Neither mason, craftsman

bad or good.

Neither setter of example

or follower of men

or friend

or foe

a leaf in the wind

and the wind does blow

__________________________

The sun is comming up now.

I have had coffee

I wish I had a smoke.

I have not combed my hair

I have on the same socks that I wore yesterday

I don't care.

I took a shit in a warm clean toilet

I take all the god damned technology I am using for granted

and I don't care.

I have no plans for the day

There is a woman who will wake

and look for me and I will not be there

the subltle mixture that makes up her day

will be wrong--god save my soul--

I don't care.

I will have no answers for my sons

when they ask me questions

I will only have more questions for them

and they will grow to distrust me

and it does not matter if I care.

I will decend

and then I will bob up

like a cork in the water

only to go down again

and this life is deep and cold.